Fear

Last night, the nightmare returned.  I am driving down a highway. I miss my exit. Frantically, I try to get my GPS to work on my phone, but the connection is lost.  I keep driving, trying to figure out how to get to where I am going, and quickly get lost.

Then I see it: a very high, very steep bridge.  My knuckles turn pale as I grip the wheel and mutter "shit."  Cars are whizzing by me, semis are barreling down on me. I have no choice but to catapult my car at 70 miles per hour onto this concrete tight rope before me.  I cringe in terror as I go up, up, up.... then I hear the alarm, and wake up.

(Oh HELL no! Why did the French build this crazy fucking thing?)

I have been having this same nightmare for years, though details change from dream to dream.  Once, I missed my exit and was forced to drive out of Delaware and into New Jersey (that is scary in real life).  Another time, I was forced up onto a drawbridge and stuck, nearly vertical, in the sky.

Two details remain the same across all the versions of this dream: I have to drive over a huge bridge unlike anything man has ever engineered on this earth, and I am lost.

In real life, I am terrified of driving over bridges.  Passes are even worse.  While Matt and I were living in Colorado, we took a day trip up to Breckenridge with his family.  Somehow we decided it would be fun to take Loveland Pass on the way back home.  While Matt and his family were enjoying the beautiful views at 11,000 feet, I was curled up in the fetal position in the back seat with tears running down my cheeks.

The Road to Hana in Maui was another terrifying experience. Try hugging a sheer cliff in a torrential downpour at night as you navigate a one-way road plagued with blind spots and minimal guard rails while locals pass you going 40 mph in their pickup trucks.

(Aerial view of Hana Highway on Maui)

While my recurring nightmare is rooted in my fear of bridges, it goes deeper than that. I usually have this nightmare when I feel out of control in my life, when I am very stressed, or when I am concerned about my future. I am about to embark on a two year walkabout to New Zealand. Though I am excited and happy, I am also terrified. When we land in Auckland, we will have no jobs, no car, no permanent residence, no friends. We won't even have a frying pan to call our own. We'll have our instruments, a suitcase of clothes, and our courage.

If I analyze my fear of bridges, I realize that it's not a fear of heights, but a fear that if something were to go wrong, a bridge would be the worst place for it to happen.  Another driver could hit me, sending me careening over the edge. Or a gust of wind could cause me to lose control of my car, sending me careening over the edge. Or lack of funding could cause the bridge to fall out from under me, sending me careening over the edge. (Or, God forbid, I get stuck on an example of failed engineering.)

This move to New Zealand is the largest bridge I will ever cross. While I am excited about the new heights I will reach and the beauty I will see before me, I am terrified. All I can do is close my eyes, hold on tight, and let fate carry me over to the other side......

(Mt. Cook Village, New Zealand, 4 hours north of Queenstown - we were there!)

Visa...it's everywhere I want to be.

Melissa:  New Zealand approved my visa in less than 3 days.  SCORE.  Kudos to their very efficient immigration system. Lessons learned about the NZ immigration process:

Getting a 12-month work holiday visa to NZ is so easy a caveman could do it...and free for U.S. citizens!

I'm convinced the New Zealand Embassy front desk receptionist is Murray from Flight of the Concords.

Unless you are willing to pay a small fortune, chop through red tape and get to know your vet better than you would have preferred, getting a cat or dog into New Zealand is virtually impossible.... which is good for the endangered kiwi and other birds.

We're due to land in NZ sometime in mid-December.  We're going to visit Amber at Happy Cat Sanctuary one more time in November - pictures to follow. Cheers!

Amber is safe and happy

Melissa:  We are very happy (and sad) to report that we have found a great temporary home for Amber while we're overseas! She is now safe and secure at the Happy Cat Sanctuary on Long Island, NY  Here's my beautiful baby at the sanctuary!

Happy Cat is a free-roaming, cage-free, no-kill sanctuary that specializes in the rescue, rehabilitation, and shelter of at-risk cats, including cats who have been targeted by mean people who wish to poison them, shoot them, or use them as bait in gang dog-fighting rings. Cats ill with FIV (aka, cat AIDS), blind cats, deaf cats, cats missing limbs....they all come here to live out their days climbing trees, lounging in the sun, being brushed by founder Chris Arsenault and volunteer Linda, and fed yummy meals and treats.  

Happy Cat is a 501(c)3 non-profit that runs entirely on donations by individual people who want to make a difference in the lives of sick and forgotten cats. Please make a tax-deductible donation by mailing a check to PO Box 688, Coram, NY 11727.  Please make check payable to "Happy Cat, Inc."

I want to thank Chris Arsenault, founder of the sanctuary, and Linda for their amazing support, generosity, and love.  Amber is in excellent hands and has all the food, shelter, medical attention and love she could ever need.  And she's learning a thing or two about becoming an outdoor cat and making new friends, which is awesome!  I still cry when I think about her, but I know she's in an awesome place and safe. We will see her in a few years!!

More pictures of my darling baby with Chris Arsenault, the founder and primary caregiver of the cats:

Please note that we paid a considerable fee to board Amber temporarily at the sanctuary.  Happy Cat is otherwise full and is not taking in any more cats.  Please don't contact them about taking cats. The sanctuary made an exception for us.  If you would like to help the sanctuary expand so they can take more cats in the future, please make a donation, thank you!