19 May 2014

11,315 days without dying

Holy crap, I'm 31.  When the hell did that happen?

When I turned 10, I was excited to finally reach double-digits. At 12, my mom let me go to the mall and put two pieces of metal through my earlobes. At 13, I earned the lofty rank of "teenager." When I hit 17, the state of Delaware thought I was responsible enough to operate a large motor vehicle on my own (hahaha, idiots). At 21 I was finally able to (legally) drink. When I turned 26, I rejoiced when my car insurance premium dropped.

But at 31, all I really wanna do is get the hell out of town for a little while and have some fun, 'cause the next "important" life marker's gonna be just over the hill at 40, so I have nine more birthdays to act like a slightly irresponsible psuedo-adult, which looks like this:


In all honesty, I did not revel in my childhood; the first fourteen years of my life weren't my favorite. When I finally did start having some fun and calling the shots right around age 15, I realized (though not consciously) that, hey, life's pretty awesome, and I need to make up for lost time.

Maybe that's why I haven't had kids yet -- because I've been too busy reclaiming some of the fun I'd missed during my own kid-hood. (Don't worry would-be grandmas and aunties, the kiddies are coming.....but don't go storming Babies R Us for crocheted beanies and nipple shields just yet.)

So what did I do to commemorate my amazing feat of surviving 11,315 days on this Earth without dying?  Hit the BEACH, of course!  I made a little video of our trip to the Coromandel Peninsula, where we visited three world-famous beaches: New Chums, Cathedral, and Hot Water. Click here to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdKZ3w28rqw



The Coromandel Peninsula really portrays New Zealand's tendency for dichotomies. Ya know, the kind of place where you stumble upon a farm tractor parked on the beach.....


....or banana trees across the street from a sheep farm....


....or a peacock begging like a dog for your lunch.....


Thirty-one, here I come!

21 April 2014

For the birds

Hey everyone,

It's been about a month since I last posted a blog..... I just didn't have the energy after Amber died. But things are starting to smooth out for Matt and me.  

My tour to Hawaii was really good, though very sad with Amber's passing, and lonely because this year I didn't have any of my bandmates with me.  But I made a lot of contacts and new friends. I had about 9 gigs, including the 33rd Annual Hawaiian Scottish Festival, the 20th anniversary of the North Shore Country Market, and St. Patrick's Day at Kelly O'Neil's Irish Pub. So all in all, a great tour. When I wasn't performing, I communed with the turtles in Haleiwa and spent as much time in the water as I could, asking the Pacific to wash away my sorrow.





When I got back to New Zealand, Matt and I moved down to Tauranga, Bay of Plenty, which is 3 hours southeast of Auckland. We are renting a house on the bay from a lovely family that we met through Airbnb. They are fantastic people and we are so lucky to know them.  

The house backs to a park area where tons of birds can be seen from the window. I was lucky enough to get shots of white faced herons, oystercatchers, and even a sacred kingfisher. It's a bird lover's dream!

Sacred kingfisher

White faced heron

Oystercatchers

White faced heron in flight


Matt loves his job with the dental engineering company.  He rewarded himself by getting a new Breville espresso machine which is AMAZING, and a surfboard (long board).



As the Starks say, "Winter is coming" - even in New Zealand - so there are precious few beach weeks left. 

We hope that our friends and family will plan to come visit us this Christmas break.  December will be here before you know it, and it's summer in NZ in December! Start planning (and saving) now to come visit us down under!  We miss everyone so much!

More blogging to come.... until then,

Love,
Melissa and Matt

29 March 2014

Goodbye Amber, rest in peace



Yesterday we lost our baby Amber. She passed away peacefully on March 27. She had stage 3 kidney failure and we felt it best to let her pass without further suffering. I am heartbroken. We think it was a long time coming. Our educated guess is that she had kidney malfunction for years that caused alot of her bathrooms issues and other health issues. We are grateful she had loving people around her for the last months of her life. But I will regret for the rest of my life that I could not be there for her when she closed her eyes.

To commemorate her life, I started a memorial fund to raise donations for Happy Cat Sanctuary, where she lived the last four months of her life happily and with other friend kitties.

Click here to watch the video, read her story, and donate to her memorial fund.


Amber's life had a greater purpose - to bring me and Happy Cat Sanctuary together so we can save even more cats in need. Your donation will go a long way to making that happen. Thank you.

16 March 2014

The only thing we have to fear....

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Back in Elkton, I had this famous FDR quote scribbled on our refrigerator dry erase board.  I look back on that time, 6 months ago, remembering just how fearful Matt and I both were about moving to New Zealand.  About what would happen to Amber, our house, our relationship, our friendships, our future. We feared the unknown, seemingly insurmountable achievements, and mammoth to-do lists, not succeeding.  It nearly paralyzed us into not making the leap to emigrate.  Even on the plane to Auckland from Ohio, I had a mini-breakdown. "What the hell am I doing?!" I muttered through uncontrollable sobs. I was so scared.

Now, exactly three months to the day we left, I have some great news - Matt started his new job today, at a company in a little town in Katikati. And, we most likely have a place to live, renting one bedroom of an amazing house in Tauranga, Bay of Plenty, from a beautiful, inspirational family. We're literally living in Hobbit land -- the Shire movie set from Lord of the Rings is only 45 minutes from where we will be living/working. YES, DREAMS DO COME TRUE, but not with persistence, sacrifice, and hard work.

I look at the scared "me" of last year, and this new, anything-is-possible "me" of now, and I realize just how right FDR was.  We said NO to fear, YES to possibility, NO to stagnation, YES to growth, NO to safety and comfort, YES to trusting that everything will be okay, NO to giving up, YES to focusing and working hard.

This journey has opened up my eyes to the very real cyclical energies of the Universe, of fate, of loving, of life, of the Divine. These cyclical energies are not "hippy dippy flower power" obscure, fictional ideas. They are real energies that are mathematically PROVEN in art, science, the Universe, design, nature, and composition in the form of Phi, the Golden Number, 1.618033988749895....., the golden ratio, the Fibonacci series. (If you are not familiar with Phi, here are 15 examples in nature to help illustrate this very REAL concept.)


These energies / patterns / pulses exist within us, our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our dreams.  You don't have to fully comprehend them to know that they are real and that they have an influence on your life and in your environment. However, a major road block that prevents us from fulfilling that natural cyclical energy is FEAR.

I have friends and family who often say to me that they're "jealous" of what Matt and I are doing, or that they wish they could do something like we're doing. I am here to tell you that YOU CAN.  You have to ask yourself if the circumstances of your life are actually inhibiting you from making a leap similar to ours, or are you just saying that your life is too difficult right now and using that as the excuse not to do something, even though FEAR is the real reason for your inaction?

This doesn't pertain to just moving abroad.  It pertains to EVERYTHING you do, from moving, to changing careers, to having a child, to starting a business, to going somewhere you've always wanted to go, to dating, to saying "I do" at the altar, to learning something you've always wanted to learn (language, instrument, art form, etc. etc.)  I challenge you to look inward and really ask yourself why you aren't pursuing what you want to do, and try to identify just how much fear is inhibiting that dream.

I'm still afraid every day.  I worry about Amber, Happy Cat Sanctuary, my house.  But I know that life is made of cyclical energies, and if I keep striving to do good and be a good person, then good things will come back to me - because "what goes around, comes around" quite literally - and life will be balanced. It won't always be easy, and shit happens, but I choose to trust those mysterious energies instead of fear them.

"You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is." - Will Rogers

14 March 2014

Leaving on a jet plane....in a hurricane

Oh the joys of flying! Cyclone Lusi is currently whipping New Zealand into submission, and I have to be on a plane in 12 hours. Why they have not cancelled my flight I can't comprehend.... I get air sick during slightly bumpy flights. Everyone please pray for me and my stomach, thanks.




For those of you in the vicinity of Honolulu / Waikiki / Oahu in March / April 2014, I hope you will swing by to one or a few of my shows during my fourth annual Hawaii Tour. If you have friends and family on the island, please pass along my tour schedule and let them know. Many shows are free. Aloha!

Sunday March 16, 8:00 pm *
Diamond Head Cove Health Bar
3045 Monsarrat Ave, Honolulu, HI
(808) 732-8744
With Michael Tanenbaum
Free, donations appreciated
* Contingent upon my flight out of Auckland

Monday, March 17, 4:30 p.m.
St. Patrick’s Day Post-Parade Party
Kelly O’Neil’s Irish Pub
311 Lewers St, Honolulu, HI
No cover. With Michael Tanenbaum

Friday, March 21, 10 p.m.
Hard Rock Café
280 Beachwalk, Honolulu, HI
No cover. With Nick Gertsson

Saturday, March 22, 11 a.m.
North Shore Country Market
59 Kamehameha Hwy
Sunset Beach Elementary, Haleiwa, HI
Free.

Saturday, March 22, 7:00 p.m.
Private House Concert
East Honolulu, HI
Donation at door
Here's the deal on this show - I can't tell you exactly where it is for all kinds of privacy reasons, but if you live in Honolulu, this has been a gem of a house concert series for several decades and very well known to locals.  If you want to attend this concert, email me by March 21 at melissacoxmusic@gmail.com for a private invitation and the address. Bring your own wine/beer (no hard liquor) and bring a picnic dinner.

Saturday, March 29, 11 a.m.
North Shore Country Market
59 Kamehameha Hwy
Sunset Beach Elementary, Haleiwa, HI
Free.

Saturday, March 29, 7:00 p.m.
Calvary by the Sea Lutheran Church
Youth Ministry Fundraiser & Chili Dinner
5339 Kalanianaole Hwy, Honolulu, HI
Donation at door.

Wednesday, April 2, 5:45 p.m.
Honolulu Botanical Gardens
50 North Vineyard Boulevard, Honolulu, HI 96817
Free. With Michael Tanenbaum and the Hawaii Celtic Pipes & Drums
(808) 522-7066

Saturday, April 5 & Sunday, April 6
Hawaiian Scottish Festival
1201 Ala Moana Blvd
McCoy Pavilion, Ala Moana Beach Park, Honolulu
$1 admission at gate, all ages.
Check http://www.melissacoxmusic.net for Melissa's exact set times at the festival.

Some of my pics from last year's tour...








07 March 2014

The cat's out of the bag

Well, the cat's out of the bag!!!


Happy Cat Sanctuary has a new ONLINE FOOD DRIVE!


The sanctuary needs food donations to continue feeding the 250 cats!


Donate a bag of food today through Amazon - it's easy!


If just 10% of my Facebook friends each donated 1 bag of food, that would defray Happy Cat Sanctuary's food costs by 79% !!!


If not for me, do it for my baby AMBER!  She luvs food!

Amber Cox - CFO (Chief Feline Officer) of Happy Cat Sanctuary

Click here to donate one bag of dry food, or one case of wet food to Happy Cat! Just click "Add to Cart" and pay - the food will ship to the sanctuary!


No getting off your couch, no driving to the store, no lifting heavy bags!



THANK YOU FROM THE HAPPY CATS!




Amazon Wish List:  http://amzn.com/w/4INYQJ7TCS4P

28 February 2014

The Hooping Game

I quit drinking two years ago this May.  I did it for many personal and health reasons. It was one of the best decisions of my life.  While it has had its temptations and challenges, I can unequivocally say that hoop dancing has pretty much saved me from going back to the bottle each and every day.

Here is one of my latest hooping videos for "The Hooping Game" Facebook group, which is a great practice incentive.

I quit drinking May 6, 2012.  I started hooping two months later in July 2012.  The timing of hooping coming into my life was absolutely crucial; I really don't know how long I would have lasted in a sober state without hooping.  It was 4th of July weekend, and Matt and I headed down to Rehoboth Beach for a long weekend of camping with two girlfriends who were hoop dancers. I was edgy--there were triggers everywhere, especially in the party town of Dewey Beach. We hit the beach and I drummed on the djembe for my hoop-happy girls as they did their thing.  I couldn't wrap my head around how they were doing all those crazy tricks or why they were into such a weird activity.  I figured I had to investigate this odd sport.  I quickly figured out the "why" -- because it's damn addictive! -- but the how was completely different story.

Kristin, one of my oldest and closest friends, gave me her hoop and walked me through some lessons.  She and I met when we were 6 years old in ballet class.  We grew up together, doing pirouettes and tour jetes at the Delaware Dance Center in Wilmington. We lost touch after I quit ballet at 16 years old to focus on my music, only to reunite later post-college through mutual friends. Kristin brought her friendship, and hooping, to me at just the right time when I needed it most in my life.  Yes, everything happens for a reason.

On that beach in July, I spent an hour trying to keep Kristin's hoop on my waist, only to fail over, and over, and over again.  It was embarrassing.  It was annoying.  It was unacceptable.  I was on a mission to keep that damn piece of circular plastic revolving around my waist, even if it killed me.  Part of it was prideful stubbornness.  Part of it was my desire to do all the cool tricks that Kristin could do.  And part of it was that it was just something to do other than drink.

It took about two weeks for me to become addicted to hooping.  It was frustrating, exhilarating, blissful, and incredibly challenging. I watched endless online video tutorials on how to do certain tricks.  I stalked the YouTube channels of Shakti Sunfire and Hoopalicious, two of the world's best hoop dancers, and studied their videos in slow-motion over and over and over to deduce hand placement, hoop direction, foot work, and speed to learn just how the hell to do that reverse elevator and the one-leg pop.

I sucked for the first three months.  Slowly, I got better, only to plateau in my abilities around month twelve. I was very frustrated, and would yell at myself: Damnit why aren't you as good as everyone else?! 

Then I heard Hoopalicious--the mother of modern hoop dance, a finalist on America's Got Talent--say something remarkable in an interview: she stopped doing talent shows, contests, and competitions, and she only hooped when she felt the music, because people misunderstood why she hooped, and so had she.  She realized she was out to impress everyone else with her hooping instead of doing it to fulfill herself.  She was on display for everyone's amusement and entertainment, and not doing it for her own self actualization. She expresses this beautifully in an amazing performance - watch her amazing video here.


The above video and her comments changed everything for me. Who cares if I can't do a back body roll, or if my flow isn't as "flowy" as someone else's?  Who am I doing this for?  No one is paying me. I'm not on display, and this isn't a race. This is for me. That was a very, very hard lesson for me to learn, considering the music business is based largely on the value that other people--fans, music consumers, A&R reps, managers, booking agencies, venues--put on you.  You HAVE to be good.  Push harder. BE BETTER. GO GO GO. As a performer - first as a ballet dancer, then as a musician, and later as a hula hooper - this idea gets drilled into you.  You MUST BE THE BEST.  Especially in today's culture, with all the contest-based shows like American Idol, Survivor, the Bachelor, Project Runway..... you're shit if you're not the shit.  (Or shiznit.)

Failure has never really been my thing (is it really anyone's thing?) If hooping has taught me anything, it is that it is okay to fail. It is okay to be yourself. It's okay to drop the hoop (there is a saying: "If the hoop ain't flyin', you ain't tryin').  It's okay to fail at hooping because it's a hell of a lot better than failing at drinking. Because if you fail at drinking, you end up in the hospital, or dead.

As soon as I learned this secret to literally not give a shit about how good at hooping I am, I actually got better at hooping.  (Go figure, right?)  My flow improved and I got better doing harder tricks.  I learned to LET GO.  Am I the best hooper in the world?  No.  But who the hell cares?  It's made me healthier, more focused, less stressed, calmer, and happier. It's helped me make new friends, given me better looking arms and a cuter butt, and it's kept me sober.

Last week, when I was busking in Brown's Bay in North Shore, NZ, a kid came up to me while I was hula hooping and said "Wow you are amazing! You should try out for New Zealand's Got Talent!"  I smiled and said thank you to him.  Inside, I was smiling even bigger, because I knew I had already won "the prize", and it's bigger, better, and more important than any talent trophy.